We host coffee hours a couple of times a month for our preschool parents. During these coffee hours a fellow early educator and mentor, Susan North, and myself (Director at Caterpillar Cottage) present a topic and discussion that is relevant to parenting preschoolers, such as discipline, media, sibling rivalry or numerous other topics. This is also a time where parents have opportunity to bring up and discuss any topics that are pressing for them.
Often curiosity about death arises for preschoolers in the 4 to 5 year old range, but that can vary too. If a family member, close friend or pet has recently passed, there may be some conversation about this that sparks questions from your child.
Let’s talk about art, such as painting or molding or collage. Artistic creations are where skill and creativity combine to imitate life, or communicate an idea or a feeling. Skill and confidence are two essential components of those who create art. Many art projects are common to preschool and elementary school curricula. Reflecting on your own childhood experience of art in school may offer some examples of teacher-led projects and open opportunities to use art materials without specific direction.
-Reflections on how we approach our children when it’s time to go.
We want our children to have choices, to feel they have some say in what is going on.
Sometimes, this can cause us well-intentioned parents to make everything their choice. The word and questioning inflection “okay?” becomes a tick that pops up after every statement we make to our child. Inadvertently, what can result is children honestly answering our questions with resistance.
You’re running late.
Your four-year-old is tightly focused on a play task, but you absolutely have to get her into the car in the next 10 seconds. To avoid the inevitable power struggle, you grab a piece of chocolate and say “If you get your shoes and come to the car right now, I’ll give you this chocolate for the ride to your friend’s house.”
She runs to grab her shoes and follows you immediately to the car.
Big feelings of anger, upset, sadness, frustration and discouragement are common for preschoolers. So much so, that we are all well acquainted with the term “tantrum.” It is natural and normal for children to emote freely and with great intensity from time to time. Often this is more frequent in the preschool years.
Often when a child is hugely upset about something that seems small, like not getting a certain colored cup at lunch time, or having to have a certain ball that someone else is using, this can be an indication of bigger feelings underneath that may need to come out. The eruption may have been just waiting for an opportunity to let loose.
If you have noticed an unusual string of upsets over a variety of situations, your child may just need a shoulder to cry it out on or some time to scream and thrash. If you begin with some empathy and problem-solving, a child who needs to cry won't regulate, they will still be upset.
If the conflict is about something that they seem open to problem solving with you, they are more likely to want a solution than need a cry. Again, it’s okay to get it wrong, they will correct you as you try to figure this out.
Just like tears, laughter is also an opportunity for stress release. Silliness together is often a great way to reduce the stress load for your child (and you). Ensuring that what you are doing is something your child wants to do is the key. One thing to be very cautious about is tickling. Many children don't like it but can't help but laugh, and then are helpless to stop you. We would advise that you only tickle if your child wants to and likes it.
